Advice for Life

If all else fails, take pictures of yourself (looking in a mirror is also acceptable). Put on a costume. Tie a ribbon in your hair. Sunglasses? Put some music on. Beyonce? The Bird and The Bee. 

If all else fails, look at this list: www.youshouldhaveseenthis.com. Watch the newscaster fall and moan more than once.

If all else fails, watch Intervention. It always offers perspective. When is DogTown coming on? I love happy endings.

If all else fails, make A List. Try to cross one thing off it by the end of the day. ex: Make lunch. Check. ex: Travel to Spain. Less Check. 

If all else fails, call Emily. Sit in the backyard. 

If all else fails, organize your iTunes. Correctly name all "track 01"s, etc.

If all else fails, write in your journal (it's like a blog only a little more private). Get a nice pen. 

If all else fails, go for a walk. Or, better yet, research nearby gyms. On the computer. Then add "join gym" to A List.

Cat and Dog Blog

For so long, Apollo the cat would not drink water out of his bowl. He would drink out of, and subsequently knock over, glasses of water, hang out in this shower and even drink out of the toilet but he would not drink out of his bowl. I quickly learned water could not be left unattended or he'd fuck with it. Paw prints graced the toilet seat. So eventually, I did what any person would do and googled it. I read that separating the food and water was helpful. It wasn't just helpful, it was the answer. I moved the water out of the kitchen and he was drinking out of it soon after. Interesting, right? A scientist, maybe a zoologist, should research that.

"Oh, excuse me, Janitor?"

"Yes, Scientist?"

Half Baked, anyone?

Recently my favorite shows have been about dogs. Did you think I was going to say cats? No, dogs. I really like dogs the best. So there is this show on the National Geographic channel (which shall henceforth be referred to as NatGeo) called DogTown is my favorite dog show. It's about this pretty expansive no-kill animal shelter that focuses on rehabilitating dogs and getting them into loving homes. In many ways, I like DogTown for the same reason I like Intervention. The subject/character has gone through some serious shit in their lives and they believe they can never be happy. They have essentially given up and their self esteem is low until someone gives them a second chance at life. Beautiful, I know. But, see, you could never have a show about cats like that (though I think there is a cat branch. CatLand, maybe? CatCounty?) because if cats are like people, they're like cold people who rarely smile.

"Kittens! Inspired by Kittens!"

Totally going to make mac and cheese, do some dishes, and watch The Office and 30 Rock. Maybe, if I'm lucky, there will be an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm on before I go to bed. Did I mention Adam is out of town? It's probably obvious... you know, because of all the ballinnnn I'm doing. New season of DogTown starts tomorrow night! I'm not that lame though. Tomorrow is Friday and I'm totally going out. But I will catch the new episode when I'm lying on the couch on Saturday morning.

Byyeee.